NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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