It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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