Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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