God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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