I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
