I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
