how can u be prego again
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
