I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Me too!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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