honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
