It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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