I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
