So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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