Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
