Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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