In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
