One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
