What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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