By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
