im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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