Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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