So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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