it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
