honey bunches of taint.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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