I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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