I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
