do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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