And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
