my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
