I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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