i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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