did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
