Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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