I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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