A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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