I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
