I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it because I queefed?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
