Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
