big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
