She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
