i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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