I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize