how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
