I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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