My liver just broke up with me...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
