I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
