I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.