No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.