he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.