Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.