the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I checked into jail on foursquare
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
