I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you