May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker