I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger