so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?