She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic