I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass