so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.