You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...