8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.