i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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