Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
