My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
