True but thats because hes a fetus.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
