i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
