Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
