I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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