what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
