remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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