I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
