It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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