i may or may not be watching the land before time
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
