dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
