a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
