last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
In America we eat man semen.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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