she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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