you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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