The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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