i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
