Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
