Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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