then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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