I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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