So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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