the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
