Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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