I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
