ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it because I queefed?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
