also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
